Fortress of Solitude

Stick to the plan/ Stay focused

Big Sean- Stick to the Plan

In my last blog post, I mentioned accepting the challenge to remain encouraged despite these trying and uncertain times. While I have been remaining optimistic by keeping myself busy with schoolwork, with reading, playing video-games and other hobbies, the greatest obstacle to face for many of us may be the feelings of loneliness, boredom, and ultimately stagnation.

Loneliness has a funny habit of appearing at the strangest times. I know that I can feel lonely, even when my home has incredibly loving and open people. I think being in the same place all day of every day gives an illusion of solitude, as the experiences that make each day distinct slowly fade away. While I have only been home for about three weeks, it feels like I have been home for three months. Each day feels like a copy of the last day, and a copy of that copy. Combating that lonely feeling, however, requires being intentional in your interactions. When I share things or learn from the people in my house, I feel much more connected.

Boredom is it’s own monster. Much like loneliness, boredom appears at the strangest times. I am never bored after completing all of my tasks, or during a time when there isn’t much to do. In fact, I have noted the opposite: I am most bored when there are plenty of things to do. I could cook something, or read another chapter, or play a card game, or clean my room–but none of the options excite me. In fact, they become a pattern of distractions that disguise themselves as stimulation. It becomes easier and easier to shut off my brain, and go into autopilot– a state of completing common tasks without much thought, much effort, or much–if any at all–emotion or feeling.

When boredom festers and grows, it morphs into something else. What was once no more than a lack of simulation instead becomes a sensation of paralysis. There are many times where I feel stagnant. I feel stuck in a loop of days that don’t lead anywhere, I sometimes can’t tell the difference between what is “today” and “yesterday”.

It is easy to feel stuck in this pattern, especially when my adventures to go out of the house are so few and far between (only for essentials, I promise). What helps me get out of this pattern is being incredibly attentive. Attentive to the details of each day of each hour, and occasionally each moment. This could be planning the things I wear, learn new things to cook and eat, and carefully going over the things I learn in my classes. While my learning and living environment remain very static, I have to keep my mind engaged and dynamic. I have to turn the prison of solitude into a fortress.